For most millennials, our college days are long gone, but for others, they’re just beginning. The possibility of new experiences, new friends, new opportunities, and new relationships are enough to get anyone excited about college. Some of you college grads are probably having flashbacks about all the late nights and early mornings you spent partying, studying, or a combination of both. Some of you current students are probably counting down the hours until you link up with your friends or your boo again to get a break from all the homework, quizzes, tests, and unnecessary group projects (yeah I said it).

I often tell my oldest niece, who’s currently in her early twenties, that no one could ever pay me enough to go back to my college days. Those days were dark, lonely, and all around miserable. Now my sister almost had me reconsidering college when she asked if I would go back in time if someone agreed to pay off my student loans, but I snapped out of it quickly when I thought about all the moments I would have to relive. All the fears. All the tears. All the anxiety. All the stress. While I knew it cost tens of thousands of dollars to attend college, no one warned me about the true cost of higher education: no guarantees for life during or after college.

Before I jump into the details, I want to clear up a couple of rumors. No, I didn’t receive a full ride to Louisiana State University (LSU), nor did my parents pay for my college expenses beyond my freshman year. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to explain that to people over the years. Because I was known as the “smart girl,” many people assumed I had numerous academic scholarships lined up for college, especially after graduating as the salutatorian of my high school class. Even if people could digest this information, they sometimes struggled to comprehend how I could remain in college and graduate on time without my parents’ financial contributions (well one parent in particular). I paid off the bulk of my expenses with student loans, which really isn’t financial aid, and covered the rest with a combination of the income I earned as a student worker and the financial gifts I received from my family. You might be thinking that I had everything figured out, but trust me, I wasn’t even close.

Each semester of undergrad and graduate school presented its own set of challenges. In undergrad I wondered, Am I going to be able to stay in school? In graduate school I questioned, What am I even doing in school? At no point was I ever secure about my decisions. At no point was I ever not problem solving. Even though I would breathe a sigh of relief after overcoming a hurdle, I would soon find myself holding my breath again, hoping and praying that God would come through to help me overcome the next one.

Though college stressed me out beyond belief, it became a safe haven for me because it kept me hidden from the world. That’s one of the main reasons why I graduated from undergrad and began graduate school only three months later. I wasn’t ready to face the “real world,” not just yet. By the time I graduated from grad school, I still wasn’t ready, but I had no choice. My time was up. I had to face the real world, whether I liked it or not.

A few months prior to my college graduation, I toured some off-campus apartments within walking distance of LSU. I remember the apartment manager asking me about my plans for life after graduation, and you should’ve heard the crazy answer I gave her. What I was currently studying didn’t relate to what I ultimately wanted to do, but I tried to make it work. I tried to make it make sense. Thankfully, the conversation shifted to another topic before I embarrassed myself. 

As the apartment manager and I stood in one of the vacant apartments, I scanned the empty room, thinking I couldn’t afford the apartment, let alone furniture for the apartment. It seemed as if the apartment manager were reading my mind when she told me that this phase of my life was about survival. She suggested that I focus on the things I needed and figure out the rest later. Like so many other moments in my life, I didn’t realize how impactful her words were until I began the healing process some years later.

The real reason why college presented no guarantees for my life was because I spent most of those years in survival. Because I was so focused on how I was going to survive each semester, I never set aside time to prepare for the life I wanted. Essentially, I settled for what was in front of me, thinking I couldn’t do any better because of all the things I lacked. Here’s the truth: I lacked finances because I wasn’t prepared. I lacked opportunities because I wasn’t prepared. I lacked hope because I wasn’t prepared. I lacked joy because I wasn’t prepared. With my mind so focused on the things I didn’t have, I never took the time to focus on what I had actually gained. By the time I realized it, those valuable years were far behind me. However, so many fruitful years lie ahead of me because I’m finally watering the seeds planted back then.

So what did I gain from my college experience? I learned that I’m resilient. I learned that I’m strong. I learned that I’m capable of achieving anything and everything that I desire. These lessons have carried me throughout the years, and they still carry me now. They were worth every stressful day and every sleepless night. They were worth every single tear and every single pain. All of those lessons were worth the cost. And to me, that’s priceless.

 

Confess with Me: Life has been my greatest teacher. Now, I live it with no regrets.